The Dali Lama Himself

According to ESPN.com’s Mark Stein, Jerry Reinsdorf has taken over contract negotiations with forward Luol Deng. After Reinsdorf informed GM John Paxson that he would be directly speaking with Deng and agent Jason Levien, Paxson went out and did a sign-and-trade with the Clippers that sent Ben Gordon west and brought Chris Kaman to Chicago because he was sooooo pissed off. Then he informed Andrew Nocioni that he would be the starting small forward next season.

The sad thing is, most of you probably didn’t believe that last sentence for a second. The main reason is because it’s simply not true, but the sad reason is that it’s as unlikely a signing as it was to see Jalen Rose use his right hand while he played. When was the last time the Bulls brought in that guy that makes you say “Holy crap, they got him?!?” I can’t remember the last time I had a the-cubs-got-Rich-Harden feeling about the Bulls.

Chicago management is simply too slow. Their ultra-conservative approach when dealing with bringing in new players and coaches has cost them Mike D’Antoni and Doug Collins (although the Collins thing is more about Reinsdorf being soft, but that’s for another day). And with the 2009 and 2010 free agent signing looking as attractive as Carrie Underwood singing “All-American Girl,” the Bulls must be ready to roll. But their recent actions reinforce my skepticism.

When I heard that Reinsdorf was dealing with Deng, my initial thought was that we lost him. No doubt. And 12 hours later, I feel the same way. Before the 2007-08 season, Deng turned down a 5-year $57.5 million deal, assuming he and the team would have great seasons and his stock would rise. I don’t need to tell you that he was wrong with his prediction. But I will. His points per game (17.0), rebounds per game (6.3) and shooting percentage (48) all dropped from the previous season, and those who felt he should have been an All-Star during the 2006-07 season, bit their tongue.

And then there’s Ben Gordon. I’m pretty sure the last time he played defense was in 1991, when Tecmo Super Bowl came out. I remember the 49ers defense being fantastic, so yeah, that was probably the last time. If the Bulls re-sign him, I’m throwing in the towel. Sure he can score with the best of them, that is, when he’s actually on. You simply cannot take his volume of shots and make just 43 percent of the time, like he did last season. Fourth quarter comebacks are either breathtaking or they make you say, “STOP SHOOTING!!!” That’s never a good thing.

My hope is that the Bulls re-sign Deng and get rid of Gordon via a sign-and-trade. Will it happen? Most likely not, because the Slowsky’s are running this team. Now there is a chance they may be up to something good. They could very well be gearing up for a run at the 2010 crop, which includes the following unrestricted free agents: Ray Allen, Dirk Nowitzki, Adam Morrison, Tracy McGrady Dwyane Wade, Amare Stoudemire, Manu Ginobili and Chris Bosh.

Note: if you didn’t notice the two glaring mistakes in the last sentence, you should stop reading right now and unsubscribe to the blog. Just kidding, Goop will kill me. Mistake no.1: I included Morrison because I have never been so wrong about a player, but if the Bulls sign him I will grow a mustache like his and never shave again. And no. 2: I didn’t include LeBron James because he has already signed (well, basically) with the Brooklyn Nets.

But I just cannot imagine that is what the Bulls are up to. The last time I can remember the Bulls seriously going after a superstar was with Tracy McGrady in 2000. However, if the Bulls have back-to-back good seasons and make the playoffs, one of those guys will come. Right? My guess is that management will go after Wade, who is one injury away from disengaging, since he’s the hometown boy. He’ll be out within two years and that’ll be the end of him. I hope that doesn’t happen, I love Wade. But I could see it happening. Hopefully they’ll land one of those guys, but looking at their track record of free agents, I’m not optimistic.

Joe Smith – ’07. One of the worst first overall picks of all-time. Single-handedly destroyed all hopes of Kevin Garnett winning a title in Minnesota by taking away five-first round draft picks due to a salary cap scandal. No longer on the team. Hope you enjoyed the ride.

Ben Wallace – ’06. I backed the Bulls for paying this guy $60 million over 4 years when in reality he deserved about half. He was the missing piece to a team that lost to the Miami Heat 4-2 in the first round of the playoffs. This backfired worse than Indiana hiring Kelvin Sampson. Wait, no, that was definitely worse. No longer on the team.

Ronald Dupree/Linton Johnson III – ’04. HAHAHAHAHA. If there are ever two guys who epitomize the 10-day contract, it’s these two.

Andres Nocioni – ’04. No complaints. Love the guy. Fits Chicago “like a glove.” Note: Ace Ventura when nature calls, along with Wedding Crashers and Dumb and Dumber, are the three movies I can watch over and over and never get tired of it. Also, think of the women in these movies. Courtney Cox, Rachel McAdams and Lauren Holly. That always helps. Bulls paid $38 million for 5 years. Compared to the Wallace deal, this is a steal.

Donyell Marshall – ’02. Hit some big shots. Nothing special. Too slow.

Eddie Robinson – ’01. Hands down, no doubt, owned the coolest sweaters known to man. He only played in 144 games over his three years with the team, so trust me, there was plenty of sweater-wearing time, but he never failed to disappoint. He signed a 5-year $32 million deal in 2001 and the Bulls bought out last two years of his contract. I’ve written more about Eddie Robinson than I ever wanted to, so I’m done. No, wait, I have to say something. In 2001, this was a lot of money. Thanks for screwing us.

Dragon Tarlac – ’00. Not as big a fan as I am of the man below. Cool name. Whatever.

Dalibor Bagaric (left) – ’00. Throughout my years as a basketball fan I have never liked a bad player more than “The Lama,” as my friends and I named him. Once I saw him walking into Northbrook Court to catch a movie. I think he thought it was the United Center. My favorite memory of The Lama was when the Bulls put him into a blowout game in either 2002 or 2003. He got in, took two ill-advised shots, and did everything but give a middle finger to the organization. That’s my boy.

Ron Mercer – ’00. For a guy that had tons of talent, I felt that he had to play in Chicago for two years. I always remember telling my brother that I’ve never seen a player be able to shoot so well from 19-20 feet but could never hit a three. He actually hit about 30 percent from long range during his tenure with the Bulls. Shows how much I know.

Brent Barry – ’99. Who cares.

Sign Deng. Trade Gordon. Keep Hinrich and play him at the two. Sign a damn free agent or at least make a sign-and-trade happen for a formidable big man like I’ve been asking for years (Kaman, Kaman, Kaman). And do it before I graduate. Thanks.