Xbox 360 For Life

A close friend warned me that I would be shocked to hear the next words that come out of his mouth. I was skeptical, wondering if he was going to tell me that he was moving back to the homeland. But I never expected the following: “I’m thinking about selling my Xbox,” he said.

That’s like selling a child, and that’s basically slavery, so my immediate thought was my friend was a slave owner, but that mindset quickly dwindled. After my heart rate dropped back to livable and I stopped hyperventilating, my friend told me to convince him to not sell the Holy Grail of video games, the Xbox 360. I brushed off the idea as I was focused in on our game of NBA 2K8.

But this morning I realized he wasn’t kidding and that it is my responsibility to make sure the machine that has brought him so much happiness over the last few years remain in his hands. So here are three reasons why my friend shouldn’t sell his Xbox 360.

1. You DO want to play. You mentioned one of your primary reasons behind this decision was that you don’t have a desire to play anymore. You said you used to play online all the time, but ever since that phase passed you only want play with friends. So I ask you this: WHAT THE HECK ARE WE GOING TO DO WITHOUT IT? I know that sounds extreme, but think about the league that you helped begin. How are you going to have a fantasy draft again that takes five minutes? For the love of God, think about MADDEN! Are you really going to put yourself in a situation where you can’t play Madden 2009 (with text-messaging Brett Favre on the cover, may I add) because you sold your system? I mean, “Think of the children!” thanks Maud Flanders.

2. The Hawks. Do I need to say more? Do the names Joe Johnson, Salim Stoudamire, Josh Smith, Al Horford, Shelden Williams and of course Zaza Pachulia not mean anything to you? You can’t seriously do this to them.

3. To steal a line from Dane Cook, “Are you out of your f***ing mind?” This makes no sense. You don’t like taking pictures anymore yet you haven’t sold your camera. Xbox 360 > camera, so why would you sell it? Sure you’ll get a couple hundred dollars when you add in the controllers and a game or two, but will that money make you happier? You are about to spend almost a year downtown, and after a long day of work, wouldn’t it be nice to sit back, relax, and play a video game with your good friend?

I firmly believe that selling your Xbox 360 is a bad decision. I could go more in depth on each of my above reasons, but I would like to believe I have said enough. How about this, if you don’t sell your Xbox 360, I’ll buy you some candy. Sound good?

If you haven’t guessed by now, this person is Goop, and if he sells his Xbox, I am taking his name off the website (if I can figure out how).